memories

Yesterday I drove with my family through new york to queens where I had lived for the past two years. I drove through my old neighborhood, past the mall ,and restaraunts I used to eat at and memories began to flood my head and soon after the pain came. I dont know exzactly where the pain came from was it regret, dissapointment, that I had lost this beautiful place I used to call home. It hurt more than I actually expected it would going back there. It was all so easy before. Before I stopped I had everything and I could have had even more.Sadness had plauged me for the rest of the trip. Until I realized that would'nt be the last place I would ever live. And if all I lost was a home and car which could both be replaced I considered myself lucky. It wasn't until I lost all the material things that I realized I had nothing inside of me.When everything was gone I saw I was gone too. I had no soul left in me I was so focused on everything I had on the outside ,I had nothing like most (strippers) going for me on the inside. My mind was wrapped up in what I needed to buy, what tattoos I was going to get ,the drama at the club that weekend,my hair color blah,blah,blah. Someone once told me I had no substance and I was shallow and that angered me very much. That was not true...or was it? At least I wasn't always like this. In a world where your conversation with your peers at work consists of what surgery they want, or what series their new BMW is. I guess I got caught up .I became a product of my enviorment. I can see now the clouds are lifting and the sun is finally starting to shine through.Who I was last year and who I am today are totally different, its only been four months and look how far Ive come.